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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23882011">what is a little pain compared to that</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/staubfingers/pseuds/staubfingers'>staubfingers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fix-It, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:01:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23882011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/staubfingers/pseuds/staubfingers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being Palermo is a way to leave the pain behind, the only problem is that Palermo is an ass.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa &amp; Palermo | Martín Berrote, Helsinki | Mirko Dragic/Palermo | Martín Berrote</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>what is a little pain compared to that</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wow, I never wanted to even read fics in this fandom and then season four and covid came and here I am, spending the majority of my evenings with writing about these idiots (aka Palermo).<br/>I love Helsinki so much and he deserves all the good things! But the last episode gave me hope he at least gets a happy ending with Palermo so now I totally ship them after being relactuant about it before.<br/>Oh, and I don't know how to write an accent so just imagine Helsinki having one.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Being Palermo is the best thing that could have happened to him since Palermo doesn't feel any of the hopeless desperation that pushed Martín to the edge and beyond. Being Palermo means being self-assured, carefree and happy. Finally fucking happy after he nearly forgot about a time darkness wasn't lurking in every corner of his mind. And being Palermo means to accomplish the greatest heist in history like he was ought to do <em>years</em> ago.</p><p>Sometimes it hurts to walk the corridors of the monastery, but putting the plan into action means a memento to <em>his </em>life, to his <em>greatness</em>, and melting all the gold in the Bank of Spain might be the only suitable way to honour such an extraordinary person. So he focuses on that whenever he feels a ghost of fingers against his neck, hears a long gone laugh echo through the vast rooms.</p><p>Still there are times when he's in their old study that he lives through the night he was left behind - no, the night <em>Martín </em> was left behind - and the darkness claws on him to pull him back to where the Professor saved him from. Of course, Palermo is just as found of alcohol as Martín was, and after a few hours of comatose sleep he's back to his new, prosperous self. Besides, falling asleep like that makes him see <em>his</em> beautiful, alive face for a few precious seconds, and what is a little pain compared to that?</p><p>-</p><p>Helsinki is everything <em>he</em> never was: muscular, not caring about his clothing nor general appearance, vulgar, and ready to do whatever it takes to please Palermo. It's a pleasant diversion to what he was accustomed to the last decade and he enjoys being looked at for too long and in too many places for it to be innocent.</p><p>It was a surprise, at first, since Helsinki was the last of the men he thought would have <em>any </em>homosexual tendencies, but a few weeks into their 'training' it turns out he is as gay as they can get. The rough big-beard-flannel-combo is usually not his type, but he has needs after all so why push away a willing mouth?</p><p>They find themselves alone in the kitchen one night, and Palermo uses the rare chance to push Helsinki against the counter and palm his dick straight through his jeans.</p><p>“Gonna stop starring at some point and act on those looks you give me since you walked into that door for the first time?”</p><p>Helsinki grins and leans forward, but Palermo stops him, “No kissing.” He hasn't thought about it before, but feeling those lips nearly touching his own brings back memories from <em>that night</em> and he feels his whole body shudder involuntarily.</p><p>If Helsinki notices it he doesn't show it, instead he only shrugs and opens Palermo's trousers to take a nice grip on his dick.</p><p>They jerk each other off right in the kitchen and surprisingly no one walks in on them. Palermo might be slightly disappointed.</p><p>-</p><p>Martín was never the type for meaningless affairs. Sure, he had a night of sexual pleasure with a stranger once in a while, but he was never <em>fucking around. </em>And ever since meeting Andrés he only had a few, mostly short-lived, relationships he was half-heartedly committed to at best, all the while waiting for a miracle that has never happened.</p><p>Palermo on the other hand doesn't believe in relationships or <em>love, </em>he believes in fast and hard sex with no strings attached, and when he tells Helsinki so he laughs and says, “Don't worry, not planning on marrying you any time soon.”</p><p>And it's no real surprise, Helsinki clearly does not look like husband-material, but a surprise still comes in Helsinki wanting to get fucked by him.</p><p>They haven't talked about it, merely shared another messy hand-job in one of the breaks, and short, but more than satisfying, blow-jobs the day before, when Helsinki walks into his room and unceremoniously starts to undress him. Slightly laughing over the eagerness Palermo follows suit and when his hands roam over Helsinki's ass he finds a bottle of lube and a few condoms in his pocket.</p><p>“Fuck me, will you?” Helsinki asks breathless and Palermo is more than willing to follow his wish. </p><p>Martín always preferred to bottom, loved giving up control and being manhandled, Palermo doesn't, though, he is always in control and can't allow himself to give any of it away. So he pushes Helsinki to his bed, preps him fast and not enough entirely, and doesn't get any protest when he pushes his slicked up dick in and starts to move nearly instantly. They come at the same time, both panting and sweating, and so loud that probably half the convent has heard them.</p><p>-</p><p>Apparently Nairobi <em>did</em> hear them, at least she comes over to Palermo the next day when he sits outside and dozes in the sun after lunch. “If you break his heart,” she growls, blocking the sun and pressing a long finger into his chest, “I'll break that little thing between your legs.”</p><p>Confused he blinks for a few moments and says, “I think we both have the same expectations to what we want out of this, so I don't know how I could possibly <em>break his heart.</em>”</p><p>“Even <em>you</em> cannot be that blind, can you? I never met a person that is so kind and loving, and if it's only a emotionless fuck you're looking for then find someone else.”</p><p>“We... are really talking about the same person?” he asks even more confused than before and Nairobi grits her teeth in anger.</p><p>“You don't deserve him,” she spits out and just like that she's gone again.</p><p>-</p><p>At first he's certain Nairobi is crazier than he gave her credit for, but after a few weeks he has to admit that she might have been right. They get each other off whenever they find themselves alone for more than five minutes, and every other night Helsinki comes to his room and they fuck. It fun and easy and when Helsinki starts to stick around after they're done Palermo doesn't even care. They start to talk about the plan, the first heist, what Helsinki did in between, about Palermo's interests in books and art, which Helsinki doesn't share put likes to listen to. One night Palermo asks about the time in the Mint and Helsinki starts to talk about <em>Berlin. </em>Palermo kicks him out then and drinks himself to sleep, and even though he didn't give any explanation Helsinki seems to understand anyway.</p><p>When he comes into his room the next night he just pushes Palermo onto the bed, opens his trousers and blows him so gently and slowly that Palermo would tell him to hurry up if it didn't feel so good.</p><p>Helsinki's hands are warm and big on his naked chest and they stroke his skin so perfectly that he wants to melt into them. After he came Helsinki crawls up to him and when Palermo reaches down to at least jerk him off he merely shakes his head. His eyes are so full of understanding, of <em>sympathy</em>, that Palermo's first instinct is to kick him out again, but it feels so good to be seen for once that he only closes his eyes.</p><p>He wants to ask who Helsinki had lost, but they don't talk about <em>before</em>, so he keeps his mouth shut. They fall asleep next to each other for the first time that night.</p><p>-</p><p>They're lying in Palermo's bed once again, naked and still slightly panting, when he finally asks what he wonders about for weeks now. “How did you come to that tattoo?”</p><p>Helsinki laughs and shakes his head, “Well, I walked into a studio and paid some money and then they put it there.”</p><p>Rolling his eyes Palermo starts to trace the outlines of the bear with his index finger, “I mean <em>why </em>a gigantic bear right on your stomach?"</p><p>“Okay, but you're not telling anyone?” Helsinki asks and looks slightly <em>embarrassed, </em>which only makes Palermo more curious.</p><p>“Pinky-swear.”</p><p>Taking a breath Helsinki mumbles, “You ever heard of twinks and bears...?”</p><p>“What?” Palermo stops the tracing of the tattoo in order to prop his head on his hand and stare into Helsinki's face, “Did you just say <em>twinks</em>?”</p><p>And Helsinki blushes, fucking <em>blushes. </em></p><p>“Oh my god, you got a <em>bear </em>on your stomach in order to fuck twinks?” Palermo laughs, “That might be the best thing I've heard in <em>years</em>!”</p><p>Helsinki smiles back, even though hesitantly, “Not twinks... necessarily, but anyone. It was not so easy then, nor legal for that matter, and I was young. Everyone thought it was cool and some guys who were like me knew what it meant.”</p><p>“So you really had someone fucking you, because they saw the bear and thought 'yep, he wants to bang'?”</p><p>“A few times,” Helsinki shrugs and starts to laugh with Palermo, so loud that the walls might shake with it.</p><p>“Why don't you want me to tell anyone? You're a genius, my friend. The whole world is ought to know!”</p><p>Shaking his head and still laughing Helsinki wipes a tear away and looking into that kind, honest face Palermo feels a nearly forgotten warmth in his chest.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>-</p><p>Palermo doesn't do that, he doesn't lie in bed with another man and gets all warm and cosy because he likes their laugh, and their face, and their stupid bear tattoo. Martín might have been like that, but where did it get him? So whatever he might <em>feel </em>for Helsinki is not acceptable, and the more he thinks about it the more he's certain it were just the post-orgasm hormones that made him see the little wrinkles around Helsinki's eyes. Eyes that practically <em>sparkle </em>when he laughs. And that laugh wasn't even that nice he just didn't have too much fun with anyone in a long time. Anyway, whatever he might have thought he felt clearly wasn't there and he <em>definitely </em>doesn't <em>miss </em>Helsinki's warm body next to him after he left for his own room.</p><p>This is only sex for Palermo, but Nairobi's words echo in his mind all through the next day, hard to not have her on his mind when she glares holes into his back at any given moment, honestly, and he realizes that Helsinki might want more from this. At first he thought Helsinki was as capable of having any kind of feeling as he was capable of being gay. The latter turned out to be wrong and the more time Palermo spends with him the more he sees what Nairobi was talking about; Helsinki is indeed kind and good-hearted despite is rough appearance.</p><p>Of course, Palermo is a good guy after all so he takes care that Helsinki doesn't get any false hopes up, or one of the other men for that matter. They are all sitting at dinner and Palermo tells about his '<em>boom, boom, ciao' </em>way of living, and even though it's slightly ridiculous it feels fitting.</p><p>Helsinki laughs with the others, but Palermo knows him well enough by now to see the slightest hint of pain in his eyes. A few hours later he still comes to Palermo's room and for the first time he's on the verge of sending him away at once. He wants to yell at him, “Get yourself together! Don't let anyone treat you like that! Nothing good ever comes from running after someone who means the world to you and whom you're only a friend to at best.” Of course, he doesn't say any of this, but he takes care of getting Helsinki off especially good. </p><p>-</p><p>His plan works out perfectly for three hours and then Palermo gets glass blown right into his eyes. He doesn't remember ever being in so much pain, and after all the splinters are removed he is still not able to see a thing. There might be worse places to turn fucking blind, but during the greatest robbery of the century is definitely close to the top.</p><p>“How are you?” Helsinki asks, coming closer nearly inaudible despite the heavy boots, and sits down next to Palermo on his makeshift bed.</p><p>“What do you think how I am? I am fucking blind and our plan turns to <em>shit. </em>But maybe I should be grateful, surly a disabled person will get a nicer cell!”</p><p>“No one is going to prison,” Helsinki says, still <em>calm</em>, and Palermo would like nothing more than to hit his stupid face if he only could see where it was.</p><p>“The riskiest parts of a heist are getting in and getting out, and we are already fucking up the first one! This wasn't supposed to happen! The plan was perfect, and now we'll be arrested before we get a chance to even see the gold!”</p><p>He tries to sit up, but Helsinki pushes him back into the bed, “We've been through worse in the Mint and still got out of there. This here? This is <em>nothing</em>, we're all alive, and in a few minutes we're inside the vault and they can't do <em>shit </em>to stop us.”</p><p>Palermo shakes his head, wants to believe it, wants to get out of here and <em>see </em>what is happening, wants to be back in control. “It's my plan,” he mumbles.</p><p>“I know,” Helsinki says and places a small kiss on his forehead, his beard tickling Palermo's nose, “And we'll take good care of it.”</p><p>Even though Palermo tries to stubbornly fight it his whole body relaxes with Helsinki's words, and he finds myself resting for nearly an hour. </p><p>-</p><p>He is not proud of it, but after losing his sight, still only able to see silhouettes at best, one of them getting shot, and the police nearly storming the Bank he snaps. He wants to get out of there, wants to be back home, wants to be anywhere but <em>here</em>. He misses <em>him</em> so much like he didn't in months, knowing that nothing of this would ever have happened if he was still by his side. And while he doesn't really want to leave the Bank he needs to get away from this.</p><p>It's Helsinki's face, so close to his own that he sees his kind eyes, that brings him back somewhat, that makes the ringing in his ears fade out slowly, and the shaking in his body stop. He doesn't even realize it's happening but Helsinki's arms are suddenly around him and Palermo's own face is buried in his neck.</p><p>“It's okay,” it's not more than a whisper right into his ear, and deep down Palermo thinks he shouldn't be the one being comforted, that it's not his friend who lies dying above their heads. Still, for a few moments it is okay, he is <em>fine</em>, and then he is chained to chair like a fucking dog.</p><p>Because letting <em>Tokyo </em>of all people be in control is certainly a great idea. What could go wrong with the embodiment of <em>human disaster </em>in charge? Nothing Palermo might have done could be worse than what this woman will do to them, but it's not like anyone listens to the guy who's <em>chained to a chair. </em></p><p>The hours pass by and he's desperately on the edge, might get crazy with the helplessness that somehow is worse than when he thought he would be blind for the rest of his life.</p><p>When Helsinki finally comes back Palermo is in a weird stage of his surroundings slowly fading to black while his own heartbeat is nearly uncomfortable loud in his ears.</p><p>“How is she?” he asks as soon as he realizes Helsinki is there.</p><p>“Alive. Can only wait, now.”</p><p>“Oh thank god,” Palermo sighs and is surprised by how much he means it.</p><p>Helsinki crouches down in front of his chair and places his hand on his knees, seemingly in order to not fall over.</p><p>“How are you?” Palermo whispers and wants his hands free to be able to <em>touch</em>.</p><p>“Fine,” Helsinki growls while he clearly isn't.</p><p>“Do you have the key on you? We need to go back to work, the sooner we're finished the sooner we're out of here.”</p><p>“It's better when you'll stay here,” Helsinki says and before Palermo can protest he gets back to his feet.</p><p>“You can't just leave me here,” Palermo shouts, but Helsinki is already out of his sight.</p><p>-</p><p>He's angry. No, he's fucking <em>furious. </em>Them wanting him out of the way is one thing, but chaining him up <em>with the hostages </em>is another. They are only here because of him and his plan, and now they treat him like he's the reason why everything went to shit.</p><p>It's not too hard to convince Gandia to dislocate his thumb in order to get free, frankly he's surprise the guy hasn't already done it. Palermo thinks about warning them, but they are all acting like he's not even there, so why not create some small havoc?</p><p>Unfortunately, or probably deliberately, Gandia breaks free when it's Rio's turn to watch them and the boy isn't even able to shoot a potential threat in the knee, so Gandia runs up the stairs and disappears into the long hallways.</p><p>“What the fuck are you waiting for,” Palermo hisses when Rio still stands shaking all over in the middle of the hall even though seconds passed since he let Gandia go, “Call the others!”</p><p>Okay, this was not the plan, but what can one unarmed solider do against the rest of them?</p><p>Turns out a lot.</p><p>-</p><p>The last 24 hours might be the worst, yet, and that means something after the disaster the heist was until know. Well, not a complete disaster, they are all still alive, at least. They have Gandia locked up, gun pointing at him at all times and Palermo just left the others before anyone could think about stopping him. He isn't ready to be put back into his chain nor ready for whatever they plan to do with him now. Hiding might not be a solution, but at least he'll be able to catch his breath without feeling looks of hatred and disgust being cast into his direction.</p><p>He sinks down onto the floor in an empty room, closes his eyes and tries to focus on the Professor's words, on his plan to fix everything. When the door opens he flinches involuntarily, and after a moment realizes that he must have had fallen asleep since its already getting dark outside. Before he can look up to see who interrupted his slumber, Helsinki is already sitting down next to him.</p><p>“How do you always know where I am?” Palermo slurs and Helsinki only smiles. It's again this stupid, beautiful smile that Palermo can recognize everywhere even despite this horrible vision of his.</p><p>“I'm sorry,” he mumbles after a few moments of silence and lets his fingers wander over Helsinki's neck. Where the rope bit into it, the skin feels raw and it's probably blue and swollen by now, but it's too dark to see it. A few seconds later and he might not be here. Palermo swallow to fight the tightness in his throat. “I didn't want any of this to happen. I was angry and wanted him to fuck you up a little, but not this.”</p><p>He shakes his head as if to get rid of the memories and Helsinki stops him by placing a hand on his cheek. “I know,” he says and sounds understanding.</p><p>“Stop being like that!” Palermo growls, “Stop being so fucking <em>kind</em>! I nearly got you all killed!”</p><p>“But we weren't,” Helsinki states, “You made a mistake and you paid for it, it's done.”</p><p>Palermo sighs, more in frustration than anything else, and lets his forehead fall against Helsinki's who's hand wanders from his cheek to the back of his neck. They're so close they are sharing a breath and when Helsinki talks again Palermo feels is beard move against his chin, “I'm sorry I left you behind.”</p><p>“You were right to do so.” He wants to say something else, probably beg for forgiveness, but there are suddenly lips on his own, and he forgets about it. For a moment he's reminded of the last pair of lips that kissed him and the man they belonged to. But this is different, this isn't full of passion and desperation like everything with <em>him</em> was, this is slow, even tender, and Palermo doesn't feel the need to hold on tight in order to make Helsinki stay.</p><p>He goes with it, moves his lips like he never told Helsinki not to kiss him, and feels the need to tear up their overalls just to be <em>closer. </em></p><p>When they break apart it's to a lack of air and Palermo feels the same smile tug on his own lips that he sees in Helsinki's face. “Let's get back to work so we can get out of here.”</p><p>-</p><p>Palermo is the one watching over Nairobi when she wakes up from her drug infused sleep. She looks confused and after a few moment her gaze wanders to her bandaged hand.</p><p>“How is it?” Palermo asks.</p><p>“Good I guess,” Nairobi grins, “Don't feel anything. You gave me the <em>gooood</em> stuff, didn't you?”</p><p>“Sure, we did,” Palermo smiles and then he adds, “You were right.”</p><p>“I usually am,” she answers without even asking what he's talking about. It's probably not necessary.</p><p>-</p><p>They leave the Bank of Spain two days later the way Andrés and him once planed to do it. Surprisingly it works out smoothly, but they probably deserve it after the hell of a week that is behind them. It's another two weeks of uncomfortable travelling and looking over your shoulder where-ever you go, before they end up in a safe-house at the other end of the world.</p><p>Even though it feels like a stupid risk Palermo is just as glad as the others that they'll stay together for a little while longer, not that he would ever admit to it out loud. To executed a lunatic heist without losing someone, but instead even getting one of them back probably makes them all feel invincible, or maybe it's just the <em>tons</em> of gold they're now sitting on, and so they spend their first evening in fragile safety with celebrating and getting shit-faced drunk.</p><p>It's only in the early hours of the morning when one after one retires to their beds, and Palermo has had enough wine to not care about what anyone is thinking, let alone himself, and he takes Helsinki's hand into his and pulls him into his bedroom.</p><p>They weren't alone for even a second since leaving the Bank and Palermo nearly got shaky with need, so he growls, “Fucking waited for this forever,” and starts to get rid of his own clothes. Helsinki follows suit and when he leans in to kiss him Palermo doesn't object.</p><p>It's messy and they are too far gone to get anything really going. They end up on the bed naked, making out like teenagers and later Palermo doesn't even know whether he came, or if he fell asleep in the middle of it all. It's fucking perfect.</p><p>-</p><p>The next noon he wakes up with a headache and his nearly healed cuts and eyes burning. He growls and wants to sleep until the next day, but is too thirsty to do so. When he opens his eyes he looks into Helsinki's face who sits next to him in bed and offers him a bottle of water.</p><p>“You are a saint,” Palermo moans and gulps nearly everything down in one go. After he finished it he notices Helsinki's strained postured and the way his eyes wander nearly nervously to the door.</p><p>“Stay?” he asks and apparently it's all Helsinki waited for, who lies down onto his side immediately.</p><p>Palermo scoots closer, buries his face in Helsinki broad chest and enjoys the feeling of hands stroking his head and back. There are so many things he wants to say right now, that he wants to tell and to apologise for, but he neither feels ready for it nor does he know where to start, so he settles with, “My name is Martín.”</p><p>He feels Helsinki smile against his forehead and placing a kiss there, so maybe it's enough for now.</p><p>-</p><p>After all is said and done, Helsinki is still nothing like Andrés, but Palermo might have more of Martín in him than he originally thought, and when he thinks about it, it's probably for the best.</p>
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